Savage Text Comebacks to Ex-lovers
By Barbara Norris
Texting has changed human communication forever, and ever. That includes courtship — and breakup conversations, too! Will the world ever go back to long letters for lovers? So far, that seems pretty unrealistic.
So as our lives get more digitalized by the minute, even classic, personal romantic gestures have been digitalized and transform into a binary, non-personalized text messages. And when it comes to break-ups – it’s no different.
Some people not only broke up with their lovers via a test message, but also did the extra mile, and shared it with the world. And thanks god they did!
Check out these cruel, modern burns when the exes came knocking via SMS!
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Snips
Sure, it’s worth asking. You only live once, as they say. But has dating really come down to digital hieroglyphics, these days? One mute suitor thought so, as seen here. The response was pretty sharp, in more than one way!
Readers can see the emotional wreckage, right here on the page: A full emojii conversation, starting with an invitation, and ending with a castration. Yikes, that’s harsh!
All’s Fair in Love and War
Arguments between ex-lovers can get pretty nasty, at times. It can be hard to remember why each party admired the other, back when it all began. Here, two star-crossed haters exchange barbs. Bad taste and low standards, the SMS war begins! How will it end?
Well, it ended fairly fast. Maybe she did have low standards, at one time. Maybe she even had terrible taste in men. It happens to the best of gals! But adding it all up, things don’t look flattering for the ex. He really dug his own grave here, verbally! Score: 0 / 1.
Free Like a Bird
Rapunzel’s burned lover must must have sent these texts, back in the day. With his magic phone, he told the long-haired lass to come right to the window, as she always did. But this time, instead of letting down her braid, it was a different suggestion.
Go to the window, and jump down? That seems like a dangerous suggestion. And it isn’t obvious how that will help rekindle true love, here. Could it be that the man of her dreams just isn’t interested in her castle games, anymore? Ninety other people got the message!
Friendly Feedback
Sometimes, exes can become best friends. It’s beautiful, when it can be achieved! But honestly, that’s not most of the time. There’s usually a lot to say when things go south, and some of it can be downright surprising. Maybe everything was terrible, and it’s time to admit it!
First, he explains she is a cliche. He hates all her stupid crystals, and he doesn’t seem to accept her meditation ideas. He implores her to grow up, but then explains she never will. As a response, she accuses him of lurking around. He is, truthfully!
If You Wanna Be My Lover
The Spice Girls were a British pop girl gang in the mid 90’s. Inspiring a whole generation of tweens and teens, Mel B, Mel C, Emma, Geri, and Victoria all took on aliases. Only true fans will remember all the nicknames!
Here, there seems to be some nostalgia, but not for any old relationship. When an ex texts, the response is silly stuff. He misses her! Does she feel the same? As the Spice Girls sang, Stop right now thank you very much, she needs somebody else, someone with a human touch. That’s not this guy, as she helpfully explains!
Green, Shmeen
Hearing from Reed is always a treat. This time, the greeting comes right after lunch. What a pleasant surprise, Reed! It seems he just wants to confess that he has been missing his lover’s eyes, far away as they are now. Seems pretty romantic, right?
Something strange is going on here, though. The green eyed beauty seems to have been mistaken for another girl, altogether! That, or Reed was color blind, throughout the whole relationship. It is more common in men, after all. But did this message miss the mark? The internet reports, readers decide!
A Very Open Invitation
Hospitality is an art, and not everyone can say they have mastered it. One ex decided to offer a warm, cuddly spot to the lady that used to be in his life. All the details of the proposal are laid out, in SMS form. Was she receptive to his winky face?
Maybe not! As a reply, she explains that she just doesn’t have enough middle fingers to explain her feelings. At least in America, that’s not the friendliest finger. Sadly, this guy is not about to have a happy sequel!
Across the Universe
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You made me happy, when we were once together. That’s how that old song went, right? One guy probably thought so. But when his text was greeted with this astronomy metaphor, things took an unexpected turn.
Does he want to be the sun in her life? Yes, for sure! He just has to go more than 92 million miles away, and then he can be just that. A long trip, sure. But it seems hard to have such a long distance relationship, which might the point!
Talking vs. Stalking
Shakespeare’s Romeo once explained: “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.” Unrequited love can be a painful experience. It’s a timeless challenge in literature and life!
But equally painful? Running away from a weirdo! This texter just doesn’t give up, and he does eventually get his response. It probably wasn’t the outcome he dreamed about, though. They dated for a few months, almost a decade ago? It’s time to be rational, and give up!
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea
Natural disasters often bring the community closer together. Even fighting couples in the storm can get over petty grudges, when life and death come into focus. Today, this is not that pair: Just a friendly check in during all the flooding? No thanks, buddy!
Joey feels it was pretty cold to ask who he was. After all, he was someone special at one point to this person. But today, things have changed. Along with the flood water, this connection seems to have washed away. Face the facts, Joey: The relationship is underwater!
Trick or Treat
Back in the day, the video store was the first stop to find good entertainment for a date. Netflix and Chill didn’t exist yet, but people still tried to create the movie magic at home. When an ex texts, one girl suggests meeting at this romantic spot.
Of course, he was pretty confused. After all, news reported have revealed that there is only one store open in the world, at this point. Where? A novel location in small town Oregon, turns out. Since they clearly don’t live there, this guy couldn’t add it up. How can they meet if there is no place to meet? Ah, yes. They can’t. Buddy, stop texting!
Way, Way Too Late
With so many choices on dating apps today, it can be hard to stick with any decision for long. Both sides are affected! One girl thought she was done here. But months later, she knew she was wrong. Time to kiss and make up?
No, it’s not that time. Claiming to be an auto-response, this one is suspiciously detailed. The guy apparently tried to pray her back, for months. Then, a series of rebound dates commenced. Finally, he gave up. Is there any way the phone company happens to have such an accurate automatic reply? Hard to say for sure, but it seems close to 100% he is behind the snark. As he should be!
Back to the Future
Timeless wisdom would advise: “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. Many live by the rule! But here, one ex might just not be ready to accept the idea. In fact, they haven’t gotten the memo about the breakup protocols. No more phone!
In the spirit of openness, they express dismay that the texting rate is not what it used to be. The response? A clarification about the increasing electronic distancing. Communication is key, after all — and exes aren’t supposed to be doing it, silly!
Totally Punk’d
It’s always touching to get a message that an old flame still has some good memories. Hey, things may not have worked out. But there had to be some good experiences, along the way. Why else would a relationship have blossomed in the first place?
Messages like these probably go out by the millions, every April. There’s a special day, right at the beginning: April Fool’s Day is an annual holiday of pranks and tricks. Today is that day, so ex, go away. Joker meets jokester, and the results are pretty satisfying!
Thanks, City Services
Sometimes, an ex isn’t ready to accept that the feelings are going, going, gone. Things are just not what they used to be, and they’re not coming back. Here, one jilted lover expresses warm feelings. But is an offer to visit welcome, at this stage?
No, it is not an exciting idea. After offering to die on the ex’s porch, it’s simply rebuffed. And in a special way! Remarking that tomorrow is trash day, the wild gesture is welcomed. A bit of humor can always neutralize drama, with the right snark!
Good Day, Goodbye
Hello, is it me you’re looking for? No? One dude found out the hard way, after a simple greeting. He merely asked how her day was. She explained the situation, which he accepted. But it probably wasn’t what he was hoping to hear!
The disappointment is easy to hide behind a screen, and there’s plenty here. According to the recipient, things were a-okay until around 3:15 pm. But then, things went south. What happened at that moment? Simply put, she heard from her ex. Nobody wants to deal with that after lunch — or ever!
Heartbreaker, Love Faker
Today, it’s time to lay on the guilt. With not one, but three broken heart emojis, it’s hard not to feel something for this fellow. But that’s for readers to struggle with. The real recipient has her own ideas about this hello from hell. What does she say?
She expresses sympathy, sure. She says it is unfortunate. But readers with an eye for nuance might notice a little insincerity in the reply. She doesn’t care at all! In fact, it seems like a way to get rid of him quickly and go straight to sweet dreams. Be gone, nightmare ex!
The Plot Thickens
Sometimes, enough is enough. There are relationships that end without proper closure. It’s terrible to be in the middle of that. But endless texts can get pretty creepy, without any push back! One girl decided to explain the deal, should the messages continue. Morbid, but effective!
The bait and switch was expert. At first, it seemed like she might be interested in starting things up again. The devil face emoji was pretty misleading, though: She threatened to murder his family, directly! Hopefully, this was the trick. No more texts — cease and desist!
Ooh, Sick Burn
Couples nicknames are silly, sometimes. But romantic partners love a warm inside joke, especially one that captures their personality. Today, one texting ex has found just the title that he feels describes his old flame. Did he use this during the relationship, too?
If so, there might be a good reason that the romance ended. This is a lot less cute than honey bear or cutie-pie! Responding to his insult, she explains that she has been called worse by many other people. Being his girlfriend was a worse title. Ouch!
That Smile Though
More emoji poetry, coming right up. One fellow decided to start the exchange with a sly smile. A popular choice, these days! Then, he waved. Super friendly — or so it seemed. But then, sure enough, he got right to the point. Crude hands, oh why?
Tinder users will be quite familiar with the combination he chose. A finger pointing to a hole, again! But the response was more creative, visually speaking. First, teasing with a sensual Eggplant. Then, a golfer, swinging hard at his metaphorical eggplant! Electronic moussaka, coming right up.
Lonely Lover
Sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, distance hardens it into a black, shrunken piece of coal. One ex found out the hard way, as seen in this failed attempt to rekindle the old flames. Long time, no talk? Let’s keep it that way!
There’s no mistaking the response, here. She’s just not that into him. Not anymore, not ever again. Why reconnect after so long, out of the blue? Maybe time has faded his memory, but there’s usually a reason people completely stop talking. This harsh reply might just jog his memory!
Don’t Stalk Me, Bro
Modern messaging services offer a lot of privacy options. Some people are still quite pen with their online presence, with friends. But that might be a mistake, in this case study of ex texts. Taylor is online, so it must be a great time to reconnect!
Tay was just online trying to figure out the block feature on the app. More of them should have one, frankly. But it just so happened that an old love was watching her every move while she did it here: Each finger stroke, a sign of hope. This time, the assumption was wrong!
That Laughing Gas
Life is short. It’s important to share feelings, when the mood strikes. One gal decided to express her longing for Mr. Last Week, even taking the risk of interrupting dinner. I miss you, she explained. Was the recipient swept off his feet, as she hoped?
In short, no. It seems he went into a fit of textual laughter, instead. One line of chuckles quickly turned into three, and he exited the conversation. Bye, he explained. Whatever happened between must have been more painful than the writer knew. The truth hurts, sometimes!
Burning With Desire
Late at night, all kinds of feelings come out. Are they always the truth? Sometimes, admittedly, they are an illusion in the dark. Lonely, lazy phone owners victimize their address books with uncontrollable impulses to reach out. Here, there is an honest reply.
These two haven;t talked in three weeks, and it doesn’t sound like it was a mutual decision. Was someone ghosted here? Given the reply, which was savage, the answer is yes. Even with the cold weather, the recipient’s heart isn’t warming up. Arson seems more appealing!
Fire and Fun
Traveling is fun to do solo, for sure. But sometimes, the best spots will be missed without the proper suggestions from a local. One gal knew her ex lived in Nashville. Why not get custom advice from someone she trusted at one time, before things got ugly?
It is true that her ex knows her better than most. But in this case, that doesn’t mean he likes her better than most! In fact, it seems that he hates her: Totally closed to chit chat, he tell her to go straight to hell. Nashville is heaven, quite the opposite!
Sloppy Soulmate
It’s true that every person is like a snowflake: Unique, one of a kind, never to be made quite the same again. But in relationships, this attitude is usually not welcome. Some might say it’s a bit off-putting. Some might say it’s entitled!
The perfect comeback is hard to craft, even for sassiest out there. But here, an amazing achievement has taken place: With just three words, one partner really put that ex in their place. Short, but sweet? Without a doubt. Hopefully, no future lovers will be similar, at all!
Mutually Assured Destruction
Here, a lot of spite is flowing back and forth. Digitally, the hatred is transmitted. First, one partner explains that their ex is their least favorite person on earth. Then, the reply comes. Somehow, it’s even worse: A curse, a wish for an actual train wreck!
At least for now, these are just hopes and dreams. The choo choo victim was ready with a response of their own. Explode, evil ex! With one fiery inferno on the tracks next to a bomb detonation, things don’t look good. Neither have any chance of survival!
Midnight Philosopher
Love is a tricky thing, even for experienced daters. It is tough to pinpoint the exact moment like ends and love begins. And with lust thrown into the mix, it can be pretty disorienting for everyone involved! Here, both parties are certainly on different wavelengths.
Apologies are a part of life, for mature people. Here, one ex tries to do it via text. He wants his old love to know that he was wrong, and knows it now. He thinks he still loves her! But she doesn’t seem to accept his explanation, after that. No one would!
Remove, Block, Bye
Those pesky spam calls. And pesky emails! And all the junk mail, piling up at the door! There’s way too much harassment going on, everywhere. But unlike all of these senders, there is currently no option to formally unsubscribe to an ex. Maybe there should be, though!
When one late, late, late night text comes in, there is a simple reply. Is she up, at this hour? Yes. Does she want to reconnect? Not at all. Responding with an unsubscribe request, the idea is clear. Sure, he acts like it’s unwarranted. But he knows!
Demonic DM
It’s harsh, but time heals all wounds. Memories get replaced. And eventually, the details of a relationship do fade into the background of life. One girl decided to try and reconnect, for old time’s sake. Was she successful?
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but she is going to have to live with it. First, she wants to know if he is free tonight. This seems out of the blue, since he asks who she is! Sadly, it turns out they dated for two years. It must have sounded harsh, but he doesn’t seem to have her number anymore. He then asks if she is the devil. Not today, Satan!
Puppy Love
Romance is all about loving kindness. So are dogs, in their own way. For those who don’t do well with monogamy or commitment, they might be the better option. No hurt feelings, no cheating, no breakup tears. Just a walk in the park, and plenty of cuddles on demand.
The suggestion is not accepted. Mister ex still wants to try again with a real, human woman. Does she want to run the experiment, again? Apparently, the do-over seems less appealing to her than being set ablaze. A fiery reply, it was!
Spelling Bee Champ
Look, punctuation is not a moral issue. Most people will let it slide, unless they are total grammar Nazis. But today, the error in the ex text goes a bit deeper than a spelling slip up. For such a deep feeling, this one is surprising!
Jamie was the best thing that ever happened to this girl. Every creature loves to hear its name, with positive affirmations. But in her attempt to communicate this to him, she makes a big mistake. The relationship sounds like it was full of them, too. Better luck next time, lazy!
A Slip Up and Slip In
Cheaters never change, they say. It may not always be true, but there is a reputation out there. Maybe demonstrating real remorse would set one apart from the rest. But here, the offending party doesn’t seem to take responsibility. What was his explanation?
Here, it seems to have been some kind of mix up. Maybe it was a mistaken identity problem, or an accident, slipping on a banana peel and landing on another woman. He just wants her to know that he didn’t plan it. She doesn’t agree, sorry!
No Regrets At All
Every girl has the dream of marrying a Hollywood hunk, at some point in her life. Rarely does it happen. And rarely does it happen that the existing husband suddenly blossoms into a celebrity, if he wasn’t at the wedding. Today, one soon to be ex-husband believes he has an offer that can’t be refused.
But does he? Life in a California mansion doesn’t sound like the worst fate out there. To refuse it all, point blank, things had to be pretty bad! Time to spend more time with mom, she explains. It’s over, forever!
Food Fight
Pizza is probably a universal interest, even among those who have dated and hated. There will always be that mutual cheesy interest, and unforgettable saucy memories. But here, it seems that one person is not ready to put on the rose-colored glasses yet. This is one spicy response!
The girl of the story shares her own memory of eating things and pondering the past. What reminds her of her ex, in the fridge? In this case, she brings up carrots — and not the regular variety, either. Baby carrots, never a good sign!